I really appreciate your effort.
But I'm wondering, why did you mention alternatives in the second paragraph? You categorized this topic as "'strong opinion", then if you strongly agreed, you would mention why you supported this idea in both paragraphs.
But these two paragraphs Would have been more suitable with "partly agree introduction and conclusion" that you agree that ex-prisoners are not the only way to encourage teens not to commit crimes.
But now I feel there is a discrepancy in meaning of overall idea.
Hah! I set out to do a beginner post since I haven’t done one in a while, but no joy, I think I have to classify this as intermediate. Beginners are welcome to try this out, as most of the words are simple and the subject matter is a bit immature (so of course it totally cracked me up), but the issue is that this essay is written by a kid making fun of her older brother for eating too much, and the sentence structure reads like a playground taunt – it sounds like the author used this essay assignment as an opportunity to get back at her brother for something. So it’s very casually written and the sentence structure isn’t book-formal enough to be smooth reading for newbies. Still, if you can get most of the words, which aren’t too hard, you’ll get the drift.